The Jokes Gone Too Far: Why Sarcasm is Not an Effective Way for Teens to Connect

It’s always exciting when repeat themes come into my office. This month I heard many stories of the hurt of sarcasm. I get excited learning about trends, of ways teens relate and connect with each other. I am energized about how to shape theses interactions.

Sarcasm, in general, is an indirect speech form. What complicates the use of sarcasm in relationships even further is that sarcasm is often an indirect and polite way to criticize someone.

This can be very confusing. For many teens, they say this type of “jousting” behavior, can be fun on certain days and on others, feel massively hurtful. Then when they ask the person to stop, they are tagged as being “too sensitive.”

What I’m teaching teens, is that this is a really ineffective way to connect and share time with friends. It’s its unfair for someone to call them “too sensitive”. Teens get to decide, if their view on something has changed, and their capacity to handle side jabs is no longer there. Yes the other person, might not understand why they could joke with us one day, and not another, but this is just how we need to shift and adapt in relationships.

Here are 8 things I want you to look closer at about sarcasm:

1. Its disguised insults

2. It reduces trust

3. Its a shaming tool

4. Its demoralizing

5. Its passive aggressive

6. It fosters self-doubt

7. Its an obstacle to closeness

8. It causes people to loose confidence

What’s the opposite? Being direct and vulnerable in relationships. Way riskier, and way more gratifying.

Here are 8 things that describe direct and vulnerable qualities in relationships:

1. Emotional risk

2. Emotional exposure

3. Uncertainty that can foster closeness- no more denying or deflecting feelings

4. Strength

5. Sharing from the heart

6. Risking to be hurt, but no longer being fake.

7. Realness

8. Getting out of your comfort zone

If your interested in learning more about this, its a big piece of what we are currently discussing in group. We’d love to be able to include you in on these meaningful conversations!